ARGH, we’ve all been there. Our simple instructions or request of our child and we hear…. crickets. Or worse, they do the opposite!
Why can’t they just listen?
I’ve been there. Just yesterday, I was rushing to the car, feeling that anxiety of being late, hands full and I called to my 2 year old plenty of times: ‘Don’t go in the road!’.
You can guess what he did. Straight in. Mummy feels awful.
This feeling inside me welled up and I got cross. Cross with him for not listening to my instruction. But really, I was cross with myself for dropping that ball and it just came out in a not very pretty way. Ooops.
The important thing to understand in these moments is that you are human, compassion with yourself is so important, and remember to apologise.
Once we were all safely in the car, I was reflecting on what happened and how I could have made it better.
- Plan ahead a little. I could have easily popped him in the car and then gone back for the bags. That way I could have given him my full focus whilst walking there.
- Set up a safety procedure for when I don’t do the above. With my daughter, she knew she had to have her hand on the break light to stay safe. Why have I never shown him that?
- Remember my training.
I’m going to talk about number 3 in more detail.
His little brain is so complicated, but also very under developed. He is learning how to process language and if you think about this at a cellular level, his neural connections aren’t as strong as a grown up’s. This counts for children from very young to AT LEAST 7 or 8.
So when he hears ‘don’t go in the road!’
What he processes is ‘in the road’? Huh, that sounds fun!
OR he hears the tone in my stressed out voice and his nervous system goes WEEEEEEE and he isn’t sure what the hell he is supposed to do.
Neither things are an outcome I would like for him.
SOOO…. let’s talk about what would be a better way to give that simple instruction.
That “don’t go in the road” turns into “stay next to me”. You could add a please in there if you like, but the simpler the better really.
As they get older, it is great to help them understand why — “don’t go in the road!” turns into “stay close to me when we are near the road so I can help you stay safe”.
Can you see how this can translate to ooooodles of situations?
Don’t climb up there! —- Keep your feet on the ground.
Stop messing about with your knife and fork! —- Use your fork like this.
Stop whining! —- Let’s find out what’s going on for you.
Don’t eat that off the floor! —- Nice find, let’s pop it in the bin.
Final tip
Save the STOP! for when you really need it.
Why? If we always talk to them in this way, it becomes noise and it won’t mean anything anymore. But then when we really need it, it won’t be affective. There are absolutely times when you need to get their attention super fast because of safety. Say my son had run into a busy road and there were cars driving everywhere? That STOP would have been so useful. But not if thats a usual way that he is spoken to
Next time you’re about to say ‘Don’t do that!’—pause and try flipping it to a positive instruction instead. Let me know how it goes!
Have you noticed a difference in how your child responds to positive instructions? Drop a comment below or share your experience!
You are always welcome to chat with me here or continue to conversation in the Facebook group